my thoughts are not my own....

millions and the release

2010-01-22T23:44:00.003-05:00

wow. Theres out are SO many blogs there. So many thoughts randomly shared on the information super highway we call the internet. How do people do it? How do they open themselves so freely up to strangers? Maybe it's easier....i have my days when it is easier to write here. It feels as if i am just writing to air. LOL

Air...and it will all disappear. Every thought that i put down, every feeling, every emotion that is shared on this screen. and there are MILLIONS and MILLIONS of others just like me. Millions of others, just looking for an outlet. a release.

i KNOW what my release is and where my release is. Whether it will ever really be...who knows.. but, it is a very lovely thought. To imaging myself looking up to see THE RELEASE looking back at me....and feeling so free and alive. That thought keeps me going.

goodbyes, 2010, and the orange peeler....

2010-01-21T22:07:00.002-05:00

so i am saying goodbyes to all the people in my life that have hurt me. i have completely no use for you anymore. i wish you the best.

as for 2010, this is a new year of everything. new friends. new dreams. new memories to be made while the old ones vanish into obscurity. Leaving behind only traces of a former life, a former friend, a former smile. 2010 will be the year i decide to make myself happy. the year that i can be the person i want to be, or the person i really i am.

the person i really i am is.....His and He is my everything. He is my heart beating, my breath, my everything.

the orange peeler. i used it at work today. it was so cool because i never really realized how intricate an object it was. Able to slice thru layers all at once and then peel those back with one quick snap of the wrist. But the best part is the little hook loop on the back....able to scrap away all the bad parts and get right to the heart of the orange...

friendship

2010-01-20T23:11:00.003-05:00

it's been awhile, and no, i have no idea why i am typing in all lowercase. all i know is that the person i thought was supposed to be my best friend in the whole world has decided she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. she said i was "too different"...that i had just changed too much. so why, does this hurt me so much?

i mean, really, i am 34...married...child and words like this hurt me from another person that is not my husband. maybe it's because i trusted her like a sister, because she knew my deepest, darkest secrets. because we spent hours on the phone, our kids played together, and we spent time at each other's houses. then she goes off and id friends with another supposedly erson that she "didn't really think she would like... and was just not her kind of person". said person didn't even bother to tell me that they had lunch until 3 weeks later......oh screw it.

i know i am being childish but, damnit! she was my best friend! i confided in her.i trusted her and for her to say, "you work such different hours, we don't ever talk anymore. ...." when what she really meant was, i don't want to be friends with you, you have to work, and i don't.....you can't drop everything and be available when i need you, so i am dropping you.... Yeah, that's what she basically meant.

i should have known better than to ever be friends with her again-especially after the last time. she didn't speak to me for a whole damn year-because she was going thru stuff-and you know, i was still there for her......

friendship should not be this hard. lonliness should not be this cruel.

my husband does not understand why i am so damn lonely......sometimes i wish i didn't either. sometimes i just want to be lost in my books and my music allover again. just not need anyone, they way i used to be. i was content, i truly content. not happy but, content. i was glad to not to have to worry about people. and then i let myself open up to people. let myself open up to friends and i liked it....and i wish i hadn't. i really do.

i really do.

Hope

2010-01-01T11:06:00.001-05:00

I think for the first time ever in my life, i feel hope. I think the Dr M will really help to get my levels where they need to be!

Labs:
TSH- 34.076
Vit D- 9

Both so bad and i am starting to take better care of myself. Slowly of course, but, i am doing it. i am making better choices and i will continue as my energy slowly builds!

Have to get better....

2009-10-10T11:18:00.003-04:00

So, I am researching healthy eating, healthy living, and going green. I am convinced that half (if not all) of the crap that i put into my body is making me sick. So, I am going to keep researching.

WW

2009-09-12T10:24:00.003-04:00

So, I am doing weight watchers again. I am really happy about this. I know I can do it this time! I just have to get creative!

I did really good all week. I am going to sit down and do the grocery list later.

Sparkpeople

2009-05-19T20:13:00.002-04:00

So, I have decided to start Sparkpeople again. I really want to lose weight before my weekend in Atlanta. I am so excited! I am praying that L gets better and will be able to go. We have to go and pick out dress patterns and fabrics soon, so I want to lose as much as I can. She said she didn't mind taking my dress in if I lose some weight.

I have decided to do this for me and no one else. I think about my life and how there are so many things I want to do. I just want to be around long enough to see my son grow up. I know that obesity has so many health risks and I already have so many health problems.

I'm so hungry

2009-05-11T22:59:00.000-04:00

I really don't know why, I just am but, I am afraid to eat for fear that I can't stop. Not really sure why but, I don't think I would be able to tonight....

Useful Info

2009-05-01T21:17:00.003-04:00

10 Tips: Beauty on a Budget

Beauty on a Budget Tip #1: Prioritize.“Things that are permanent that take a while to deal with, those are the types of things you want to focus your money on,” says Finney. Essentially, you don’t want to cut corners on things like hair, which takes a while to grow back. Taking your chances on an inexperienced hairstylist or eyebrow shaper just because she or he is cheap may leave you looking cheap.

Beauty on a Budget Tip #2: Timing is everything.As Finney explains, “To really save money, you want to go to a salon during the off-time, which is often Tuesdays and Wednesdays, since hardly anyone is there. Salons usually offer discounts at 10 to 15 % on those days just to get people in the door.”

Beauty on a Budget Tip #3: Ride the competition.As we all know, there’s plenty of competition out there when it comes to beauty services no matter where you reside. So what does that give us? Ammo. If you point out to a salon that the one around the corner charges only fifteen dollars for a pedicure, it’s likely that they won’t charge you the twenty they initially quoted.

Beauty on a Budget Tip #4: Find a professional without a home.Finney’s acclaimed book, “How to Be a Budget Fashionista,” points out that you should opt for a hairstylist (or any beauty professional for that matter) who travels, but doesn’t have a chair in a salon. The nomadic professional will usually be cheaper because he or she does not have to pay for a chair rental. What’s more, they can come to your home or office and save you gas money.

Beauty on a Budget Tip #5: School for thought.Beauty schools are a hidden secret of the Beauty Budget strategist. You should consider the more temporary or no-potential-for-harm services such as manis, pedis and facials. Qualified instructors monitor students for the sake of upholding quality and reputation and you end up saving for the more expensive beauty services that provide permanent results. It is also safe to enlist a lead hairstylist’s or colorist’s long-term assistant because, as Finney asserts, “The assistant was probably working with that stylist for who-knows-how-long and they probably picked up several of their tricks.”

Beauty on a Budget Tip #6: Don’t be afraid to ask.Ask your salon or spa to put you on their mailing list to learn about any specials or discounts offered. Many salons and spas offer discounts if you get other, more expensive services done at the same time. Case in point: Some salons will throw in a free haircut if you book an expensive service like a straightening treatment. Finney suggests checking out SpaWeek.org for the best year-round beauty deals that various cities have to offer.

Beauty on a Budget Tip #7: Loyalty will be rewarded.According to Finney, there are plenty of salons that offer frequent visitor rewards or point systems. If you get your nails done every week for a month, for instance, you can get the fifth one free. Also, if you pre-book all your appointments, that shows the kind of loyalty that some beauty professionals reward by taking a few dollars off.

Beauty on a Budget Tip #8: Shout it out.Referrals are not only a compliment to your beauty professional, but also to your pockets. Utilize your inner publicity skills to get the word out about your fabulous bikini waxer or hair colorist, especially if you have “discovered” him or her. You and a friend will likely get a percentage off your next visits.

Beauty on a Budget Tip #9: Pace yourself.Instead of getting your eyebrows waxed every two weeks, try going once a month for shaping. In between monthly visits, be vigilant about stray hairs and pluck them as soon as they come in to maintain clean-looking brows. During the cooler months, scrimp on leg waxes and shave instead (if you have to) because no one can see your legs under your stockings or pants. Not only will this save you money, but, according to Finney, it’s healthier for you too: “If you wax too much, you will start to irritate your skin.”

Beauty on a Budget Tip #10: Knowledge is key.Did you know that having more hair can actually save you money? “It is more expensive to keep a shorter haircut than it is to keep a longer one,” states Finney. It’s easy to camouflage the need for a trim with long hair as it grows out. If you want to save yourself the expense of maintaining a spiffy little haircut every six weeks, keep your hair lengthy and you’ll have a couple more weeks of ease on your bank account. Add in some layers and you get a few additional weeks of financial relief.

So glad.

2009-04-29T19:56:00.001-04:00

I am glad i started this blog. Even though I don't really feel like I have much to talk about. I still like having it and knowing that I can write all of this down.

My first reward will be....

2009-04-28T19:50:00.004-04:00

For losing 10 pounds something cute from this adorable site:

http://www.sewgracious.com/

I love it!!

what i need to do

2009-04-28T19:40:00.002-04:00

food diary
water
no sugar
move everyday in some way
check in with HYC

So I got to thinking

2009-04-28T19:36:00.003-04:00

maybe I really CAN lose weight....maybe I really CAN do this just for me and no one else.I could just make up my own plan and do it all on my own. I have all the things I need. The knowledge, the space to workout and even the time now. Hmmmm.....

I am going to do it and just not tell anyone. I know I can...I'll use my blog to write about it and motivate me. Yes, whoever reads this will know my plan......

Wow! I am really excited about this!!

blah, blah, blah

2009-04-26T17:37:00.002-04:00

I am back at blogging about my life. This time, I time I am taking things seriously and slowly.

These things I know:
1) I hate my body
2) I need to be a better wife/mother
3) I am glad that I am starting school in May (even though it scares me to death)
4) I am going to finish school no matter what it takes
5) I NEED to take care of myself
6) Reading has made me happy again

So, here is my new life plan.

I am tired of stopping and starting things. Tired of being the fat wife, mother, friend. Tired of being sick all the time. The one with no immune system....no money, no social life.

Well, those things are changing.

what's going on??

2009-04-25T19:37:00.000-04:00

Well, I made the decision to go back to school but, now, of course, like everything else in my life, I question that decision. I question all my decisions.

I want to lose weight, get my house together, my family together and my life together.....

Now, where/how to start????

Research I must do.....

God, give me strength

2009-02-18T19:35:00.002-05:00

Please give me strength! Please give me strength and please do not let J get disqualified please provide for us...please do not let us worry about things. Please let us get thru this.... please do not let us struggle anymore, please open opportunities for us and let us not worry.

So, I bought....

2009-02-15T20:56:00.002-05:00

-chicken
-salad
-new potatoes
-fruit
-pork chops
-froze some 2pt Taco Soup

So I am begining WW TOMORROW! This time, I am doing this FOR ME and ONLY ME. Not to look good to anyone but ME. and I am tracking FOR MYSELF.

I have already started one stretch in my life changing journey. I registered TECTA class orientation and am looking into a B.S. afterwards. I went to church today, and all but 1 load of laundry is caught up. I feel I am making progress...slowly, but surely, my life will be as it should!

2009-02-12T13:40:00.004-05:00

2009

2009-01-17T18:53:00.002-05:00

A new year for a new me-well, maybe not new but....different. I got a job so, I am bringing in more money for us. I want to start a savings plan for us. I want us to be in a better place by the end of the year.

Healthy people

2008-11-16T19:38:00.001-05:00

Healthy people look so much better in pics and so much prettier in real life. I want to look really put together and professional. I am going to do that for myself. No one else but me.

YAY For me!

2008-09-07T18:03:00.002-04:00

I kicked week one of WW's butt!! Yes!!! Well, except for last night but, I am chalking that up to PMS. I ate waaaayyy too much junk! I am so proud of myself! Off to make dinner!

Baby Steps

2008-08-30T13:11:00.002-04:00

I have to start with baby steps. I have to start small and keep going. Starting with my goals:
1) Lose 10 pounds in 4 months, then work on the other 10 pounds.
2) Keep a food journal-write down what I eat and the points, and exercise or not

L makes good sense

2008-08-30T10:47:00.003-04:00

Last night I talked to L. She, like me, got pneuomia and asthmatic symptoms too. Her dr told her that if she didn't lose weight then she would wind up in the hospital next time. I know that the same thing goes for me, except, my dr didn't tell me that. So, we are both going to do WW together. Her dr told her to lose 10% of her weight. Her goal is to lose 10 pounds in 4 months. I know that this would be a good, reasonable goal for me too. So, I am going to do it!! I know that J will help me too!

A new season...

2008-08-29T19:56:00.001-04:00

Recently H posted on her blog about a new season in life and how God sends us friends for different seasons in our lives. That is so right. I know that God has sent me 2 special ppl recently and I thank Him for that. Right now, I feel a bit hopeful. Hopeful for everything....

I forgot!!

2008-08-09T17:16:00.001-04:00

I was invited to host a table at the Annual Christmas Tea!! That right there is enough motivation to start with!!

Metformin and my stomach

2008-08-09T17:09:00.002-04:00

I admit it, I haven't had any metformin in a week. My stomach still hurts but, I am getting really frustrated with everything: weight gain, no exercise, not enough sleep, not taking time for myself, getting pneumonia, no clothes to wear....

-I am just so tired of being sick, no money, messy house and whhhaa whhhaaa whhaaa

I am tired of whining so, I am taking it one day at a time--meaning, I am not going to try to do everything at once.

I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.

Secrets of a Former Fat Girl

2008-08-09T17:05:00.001-04:00

Is the book I am reading and it is so motivational and really good. So why can't I take the advice????

Counting Calories

2008-07-08T16:33:00.004-04:00

A calorie is a calorie whether it's in points, fat grams or whatever. I am going to count calories. I looked up the 1500 calorie diet that the dietician gave me and I am trying my best to follow it today. Even if I do feel like I am starving! I am so sick of being FAT.

I also kept thinking my Endo appt was this week. Well, it's not. It's next week. Why can't I get energy to do something????

I feel so fat and tired and I started yesterday.... so, that doesn't help at all. Well, this is not being productive....it's turned into a pity party. No more blogging today.

Do it for my health & the people who care about me and B

2008-07-04T10:54:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, my best friend L really got onto me about not taking care of myself. She is afraid I am going to have a major stroke because the night before, I had a TIA with a migraine. Anyway, she said that I HAVE to get myself and my health in order. She was sweet about it and I am not mad at her at all because she is right about everything that she said. She said she could do it with me and help me but, I had to do it myself. She was so right about everything. So, today was the first day that I am taking care of ME.

I had to do the dr yesterday because of the migraine and he said absolutely NO BIRTH CONTROL because of the hormones. So, I went off the ring. Hopefully, that will also help me with losing weight. Just have to be careful in that area now.

L said that I should sit down and make a list of all the things that I need to do and take them one at a time. So, that is what I am going to do. I am also going to start keeping a food journal again. I have my appt with the endo on Friday. I am actually looking forward to it.

Health Coach

2008-07-01T19:39:00.002-04:00

Today, I talked with my health coach. That was a good thing. For the past week, I have not had anything healthy to eat. I ate out every single day and I got so tired of it. She said that I need to start eating healthy and incorporating more fruits and veggies into my diet.

Well, that got me thinking that I really do need to take care of myself and stop "thinking" about it and do it.

So, here are my goals/plans for this week:
-Eat at home and eat normal portion sizes
-Drink my water-I have really been slacking in this area and drinking juice and Coke Zero everyday
-Get plenty of sleep
-Take time for myself

So, that is what I want to do this week. I want to try and get myself back on track because I am worth it. I need to do it for my family and myself.

gotta get back on the wagon

2008-06-13T12:53:00.002-04:00

I have been off plan since last Friday and right now, I am feeling that I do not want to count points anymore but, want to try and just eat healthfully. I really need to....

I am sick

2008-05-30T13:27:00.001-04:00

I am sick...again. I have a sore throat, stopped up head, and I am tired as everything. My house is soooo messy. I want to get up and do something but, I can't because i feel so exhausted. off to lay down now.

Wii Fit

2008-05-24T11:08:00.001-04:00

This is so awesome!! I did it for 20 minutes last night becasue, it was 1:00am and I was tired. This is the only time I could make to "play" last night. BUT, it was great!!

I love the Hula hoop game. Not really sure about the Yoga though, I didn't feel relaxed at all!!

my fourth day

2008-05-23T15:36:00.003-04:00

I feel like I am doing really good. I think this is easier that L is doing this with me. It keeps me motivated. So, tonight, i am going to WATP for at least 1 mile and then do some stretching. Maybe I can get B to go to bed early so, that I can still do my workout, alone.

3 days down

2008-05-21T18:08:00.000-04:00

3 days down on WW, and I am doing really good! I am really watching what I eat and tonight, I think I will play my Wii for exercise when B goes to bed!! I am excited that I get to actually do something fun. I got my WATP book and DVD today too. Myabe I will walk 1 mile later tonight too. I am trying to get myself all psyched up right now because I need to some serious cleaning tonight too. I hope really hard that B goes to be early tonight. Please, please, please!!!

Starting over with Weight Watchers

2008-05-17T12:17:00.002-04:00

I talked to my health coach and she convinced me to start over on WW again. So, today, I have officially started. I am not going to stress over it though. I am just going to do it. I am also going to walk 3 times this week.

haven't blogged in while

2008-05-15T12:11:00.002-04:00

Wow! I haven't been on here in a while.
I started my own bible study that I bought at church. It's all about finding your purpose in life. It's pretty good. I also am not working @ church on weekdays now, except, I am going to help while we are planning for VBS.
I am super sxcited about VBS for B. I think he will like it alot!!

As far as weight loss, I just don't even feel like going there but, I will. I am so tired of starting over for the millionth time every week. So, I have been doing alot of thinking and talking to God lately. He has given me a sense that I can accomplish this. I know I can do all things thru Him. I know He will guide me....

So, I am going to just start eating sensibly. First, I have to define what that means to me (wow, K would be glad of my thinking today, since she is my nutrtionist)!

So, I am going to do some searching.....

I know that first, I need to get moving...meaning-
WALK AWAY THE POUNDS daily. Whether it be, 15 or 20 min. I have to get moving!!

I have decided to do something different

2008-05-02T14:58:00.003-04:00

Well, I have been chatting with j and we believe that SB works but, I just need to add in 1 or carbs sometimes. I am going to watch my portion sizes and make halthier choices. So, healthier choices the name of my plan.
-3 meals and 2 snacks a day.
-For snacks choose LC w/ whole wheat crackers, fruit, celery and LC, popcorn (for an evening snack)
-For breakfast choose something off of the list and add 1 pc of toast
-Lunch-salad, low carb sandwiches, veggies and dip
-Dinner-lean meats and veggies

This doesn't seem so hard now that I think about it this way. I just make healthier choices for myself and my family.

Weight loss: 6 strategies for success

2008-05-02T01:36:00.001-04:00

Weight loss: 6 strategies for success
Make your weight-loss goals a reality. Follow these proven strategies.

You probably know that hundreds of different fad diets, weight-loss programs and outright scams promise quick and easy weight loss. But the foundation of every successful weight-loss program still remains a healthy diet combined with exercise. You must make permanent changes in your lifestyle and health habits to lose significant weight and keep it off.
How do you make those permanent changes? Follow these six strategies.

1. Make a commitment
Permanent weight loss takes time and effort. It requires focus and a lifelong commitment. Make sure that you're ready to make permanent changes and that you do so for the right reasons.
No one else can make you lose weight. In fact, external pressure — often from people closest to you — may make matters worse. You must undertake diet and exercise changes to please yourself.
As you're planning new weight-related lifestyle changes, try to resolve any other problems in your life. It takes a lot of mental and physical energy to change your habits. So make sure you aren't distracted by other major life issues, such as marital or financial problems. Timing is key to success. Ask yourself if you're ready to take on the challenges of serious weight loss.

2. Get emotional support
Only you can help yourself lose weight by taking responsibility for your own behavior. But that doesn't mean that you have to do everything alone. Seek support when needed from your partner, family and friends.
Pick people who you know want only the best for you and who will encourage you. Ideally, find people who will listen to your concerns and feelings, spend time exercising with you, and share the priority you've placed on developing a healthier lifestyle.

3. Set a realistic goal
When you're considering what to expect from your new eating and exercise plan, be realistic. Healthy weight loss occurs slowly and steadily. Aim to lose 1 to 2 pounds a week. To do this, you need to burn 500 to 1,000 calories more than you consume each day through a low-calorie diet and regular exercise. Losing weight more rapidly means losing water weight or muscle tissue, rather than fat.
Make your goals "process goals," such as exercising regularly, rather than "outcome goals," such as losing 50 pounds. Changing your process — your habits — is the key to weight loss. Make sure that your process goals are realistic, specific and measurable, for example, you'll walk for 30 minutes a day, five days a week.

4. Enjoy healthier foods
Adopting a new eating style that promotes weight loss must include lowering your total calorie intake. But decreasing calories need not mean giving up taste, satisfaction or even ease of meal preparation. One way you can lower your calorie intake is by eating more plant-based foods — fruits, vegetables and whole grains. Strive for variety to help you achieve your goals without giving up taste or nutrition. Cutting back on calories is easier if you focus on limiting fat.
To lose weight, talk to your doctor about setting these daily calorie goals:

Your current weight in pounds Daily calorie goal
Women Men
250 or less 1,200 1,400
251 to 300 1,400 1,600
301 or more 1,600 1,800

Very low calorie diets aren't a healthy long-term strategy. Fewer than 1,200 calories a day for women and 1,400 calories for men aren't generally recommended. If your calories are too low, you run the risk of not getting all of the nutrients you need for good health.

5. Get active, stay active
Dieting alone can help you lose weight. Cutting 250 calories from your daily diet can help you lose about half a pound a week: 3,500 calories equals 1 pound of fat. But add a 30-minute brisk walk four days a week, and you can double your rate of weight loss.
The goal of exercise for weight loss is to burn more calories, although exercise offers many other benefits as well. How many calories you burn depends on the frequency, duration and intensity of your activities. One of the best ways to lose body fat is through steady aerobic exercise — such as walking — for more than 30 minutes most days of the week.
Even though regularly scheduled aerobic exercise is best for losing fat, any extra movement helps burn calories. Lifestyle activities may be easier to fit into your day. Think about ways you can increase your physical activity throughout the day. For example, make several trips up and down stairs instead of using the elevator, or park at the far end of the lot.

6. Change your lifestyle
It's not enough to eat healthy foods and exercise for only a few weeks or even several months. You have to include these behaviors into your life. To do that, you have to change the behaviors that helped make you overweight in the first place. Lifestyle changes start with taking an honest look at your eating habits and daily routine.

After assessing your personal challenges to weight loss, try working out a strategy to gradually change habits and attitudes that have sabotaged your past efforts. Simply admitting your own challenges won't get you past them entirely. But it helps in planning how you'll deal with them and whether you're going to succeed in losing weight once and for all.
You likely will have an occasional setback. But instead of giving up entirely, simply start fresh the next day. Remember that you're planning to change your life. It won't happen all at once, but stick to your healthy lifestyle and the results will be worth it.

i have had it

2008-05-02T00:47:00.001-04:00

i have gotten to the point where i am just totally fed up with being fat and sick and tired. i can't do it anymnore.

I'm tired

2008-05-01T22:37:00.003-04:00

I am so tired of writing onthis blog how much I want to lose weight and blah, blah, blah. I might as well just face it and get REALLY fat and live with it. The only problem is, I can't. I look @ B and I feel like I am slowly killing myself and not being for him at all.

I feel like I am not a good mom or wife. I don't spend enough time with my kid or my DH. I don't spend enough time cleaning...correction-I never clean. J does most of it and he works. I have got to get myself in gear. I have got to get motivated and do this for my family and myself.

I can't slowly kill myself and leave B and J and my mom. I have to do something. I am so depressed right now and tired of it all.....I need direction.

I am going to start writing in my jouurnal again and doing devotions. I think I will find myself a bible study book too.

Cravings....

2008-04-28T21:44:00.002-04:00

I am craving french fries something awful!! Five Guys Burgers & Fries french fries to be exact. Sigh.....

L invited me to a b-day party Friday night for her DH. I suppose me and the munchkin will go. I am kind of nervous because I really don't want to eat in front of anybody. It's ok when it's just me and her -because, she is my best friend- but, in front of a bunch of people I don't know that well. I am feeling all nervous about it.... I haven't felt this way in a long time.

I hope little man goes to bed early tonight because I am tired.

RESTARTING PHASE 1!!

2008-04-28T11:22:00.002-04:00

I fell off the wagon this weekend-BUT I lost 5 pounds. I am restarting Phase 1 TODAY. I picked back up with my journaling and I joined TBL challenge on 3 fat chicks.

GO RED TEAM!!

2nd Day on South Beach-Phase 1

2008-04-22T20:05:00.002-04:00

My second day on SB. I did good too. Tonight I am having a cheeseburger salad. I am making J hamburger steak and I am just going to brown some ground beef for me and season it a bit.

First day on SB-Phase 1

2008-04-21T20:39:00.002-04:00

Well, I have not had a bad day. I have stayed on the plan except now, I am hungry. I will have a salad when J gets home. I am feeling better about myself. J and I both have done really good today!

1 day almost down-13 to go!

Ready to start PHASE 1!

2008-04-20T18:33:00.002-04:00

I am sooo ready to start Phase 1. I went to walmart and got groceries this afternoon. Tonight I am making a Sausage and cheese vegetable cups for breakfast for myself to eat on this week:

Sausage and Cheese Breakfast cups

These are REALLY good!

4 oz turkey sauage or crumbled turkey bacon
1/2 green pepper, chopped
1/4 onion, chopped
5 large eggs
1 12oz can sliced mushrooms
1/2 cup l/f shredded chedder cheese

preheat oven to 350. Line a muffin pan with baking cups. Cook the sausage, pepper, and onion for 5 min or until sausage is no longer pink. Spoon mixture into a bowl and let cool slightly. Stir in eggs and mushrooms. Divide evenly into muffin cups. Sprinkle with cheese. Bake for 20 min or until egg is set.

You can also spray the muffin tin and not use the baking papers....but they are better with the papers!
I make them at night about twice a week, they are great to pop in the microwave in the morning!

I am using real sausage though as turkey hurts my stomach and no mushrooms because I don't have any. I hope this is good.

My List For Myself

2008-04-19T03:34:00.004-04:00

1) Get the 3 Step Clinique Skin Care Set and use it--DONE!!
2) Make appt @ Clinique to have all makeup redone
3) Do my nails at least once a week (find a really pretty neutral color)
4) Drink enough water until my urine is clear
5) Follow all the South Beach Diet Prinicples
6) Keep A Food Journal
7) Walk at least 20 min a day
8) Take meds everyday
9) Take 15 min for myself a day
10) By one piece of clothing/shoes every month

Plus Sizes

2008-04-19T03:18:00.004-04:00

I am so sick of wearing plus sizes and things being ten miles too long. I really am tired of looking sloppy.
I am committing myself to be out of the plus sizes by this winter. I will have my pants and tops tailored. I want to have a clean, simple look. I want to look elegant. I'm just tired of it. I feel like I wear out dated, worn out looking, fifty miles too long clothes.
I am making myself a wish list for when I lose weight of clothes and makeup.

Plus size clothes look so old ladyish. J even agreed with me when we went to JCPenney's to look for clothes. I have resorted to almost wearing jeans with elastic in them but even the pair of them that I ordered didn't fit. I can't be this way for the rest of my life. I won't.

SOUTH BEACH!!!

2008-04-17T15:32:00.000-04:00

I am so psyched for South Beach!! Me and j are going to do it together and we start this Monday!!

I am also looking forward to August because L and I are taking a girls weekend!! I can't wait!! I want to have lost at least 20 or 30 pounds by then so that I can buy some new clothes!!!

I can't wait!!!!

2nd day journal keeping

2008-04-10T17:24:00.002-04:00

Wow! When you right down everything that goes into your mouth, it really makes you think about what you are eating. This is the first step that the nutrtionist wants me to take.

I am doing really good @ journaling and I can already see where part of my problem is: I eat too many carbs and I don't get enough exercise. I need to really walk everyday. I am going to make my mind up and do it. I want to get into my "skinny jeans" except I don't really have any. LOL

I really want to do this. I want to feel better. I want to be there for B. I want to see him grow up and be a great mom.

4/8/08-Appt w nutritionist

2008-04-08T23:10:00.002-04:00

Well, today was my appt w the nutritionist and I am so glad that I had it! She really encouraged me and motivated me. We made a list of what I thought a healthy should be and it really helped.

Goals for the week:
-Keep food journal
(email her w info next wk)
-Drink water
-Check Blood Sugars

I am so glad that she helped me. I feel like I can really begin to be back on track!!
Gotta go write in my journal now.

APRIL 7, 2008-MONDAY PLANS

2008-04-06T00:41:00.003-04:00

Well, I am tired of stopping and starting about a million times. I can't do it anymore. So, MONDAY, APRIL 7, 2008 is my day to BEGIN. Begin the new me...for real.

The reason I say for real is because I don't think I have ever felt this bad about myself as I have the last 3 days. I feel fat and sore and like a blob and I am tired of it.

THE NEW ME STARTS TODAY WITH MY ATTITUDE.

I am making my exercise plan and I have gotten myself a cute little notebook to be my fitness journal.

I am going back to meetings tomorrow at 1:00. BUT, this time I am taking slow and easy at it. I am not going to look for a quick fix and I am going to do it. I am going to restart my 30 day challenge also.

Appt with the Health Coach

2008-03-25T13:55:00.002-04:00

I talked with my health coach today and these are the goals for the week:

Goals for the week:
-64oz water per day
-WW challenge-30 day
-Night time eating--keep within points
-Wii 20m 3x week
-keep food journal

Next Appt w Marie-Tuesday April 1-1:00
Next Appt w Keri-Thursday March 27-1:00

First day back on track

2008-03-24T15:59:00.008-04:00

I feel great! I really do. Knowing that I am doing something for myself is so nice.
Here are the details:
I weighed in this morning. My weigh in days will be Monday mornings from know on and yes, I am couting points again. I plan on using my Wii for my exercise-something fun!
So, I will record everything here, like the other blogs that I have seen

DAY 1 of the 30 DAY CHALLENGE
START WEIGHT: 200
CURRENT WEIGHT: 200
GOAL WEIGHT: 195
(by April 30th)

WATER FOR THE DAY: 64oz

3/24/08

2008-03-24T00:43:00.002-04:00

I'm sick of trying to lose weight. I just want to start doing WW and get this weight off of me. I look so huge! My mom took a picture of me today and OMG! Can you say "Mary Moo Cow"! That's it....I am not going to be like this next summer. I have been feeling so crumby lately and I know it is because I have been eating all the wrong things and not enough sleep and no exercise.

Well, today is Monday and it is Day 1 of my new life. Jesus rose on Easter.....He brings new life, well, mine starts today! I am going to shed all of this weight and start over NEW!!!!

3/20/08-MY RECOMMITTMENT

2008-03-20T12:38:00.004-04:00

This is my recommittment to myself. I am going to do it. I know I can, I HAVE TO. I am tired of being fat. I am tired of being the fat wife, fat friend, fat cousin, fat neice.

I am going to do this. I am not stopping until I reach goal!

I've had a setback for the past few weeks and I am ready --really ready to do it this time. I am doing FLEX because it works for me. I know what to watch and what I need to do. I am going to JUST DO IT!!

My uncle passed away and I just ate and ate and ate EVERYTHING. Right now, I am reading a book by Joyce Meyer. I can't think of the name of it but, it is basically about letting God lead you in your wt loss journey. I will do this because God is not wrong. He gave us this one body and we need to take care of it!

I am going back to WW next Sunday. They are closed this Sunday because of Easter.

Jeans

2008-03-10T18:45:00.001-04:00

I had to buy jeans and I am not happy about it. I am not happy at all. I had to buy a 20W. Ummmmmm......that's not a good thing. I feel like a big beached whale. BUT, I know that I have to do soemthing and I will.

I just need to find my focus again because I know I have spiraled down,down, down.

I am going to do this.

Saturday

2008-03-01T14:32:00.001-05:00

I have not accomplished anything today. I need to take a shower but, don't want to have to take B with me. It is soooo nice outside. I think I will ask his grandparents if they will take him outside later today while we are gone.

Me and DH are going on a date. Will be nice, if my stomach cooperates. I haven't had any water today or any meds. I am going to shape up (in more ways than one)!

Friday night--how am I gonna spend it?

2008-02-29T19:45:00.002-05:00

Well, when little man goes to bed, I am going to re-read ALL of the FLEX information. I think I will make a recipe sheet also.

I am psyched now! I feel like I am starting this allover again!
(Which in a way I am!)

My Water Bottle DH bought me!!

2008-02-29T19:25:00.002-05:00

I love my pink Camelbak!!!

My Journal

2008-02-29T18:29:00.004-05:00

Well, J bought me the cutest journal for Christmas. I really love it but, I haven't written in it very much because all I want to do is go to sleep when I go to bed. I am going to start writing in it again and using my WW journal for just that-WW.
WW FLEX: 26 daily + 35 weekly points extra

I think my stomach is telling me I have to. The last few days I have eaten nothing but crap. Nothing but unhealthy, artery clogging junk.

Pizza
doughnuts
candy
chocolate
taco bell
chick fil a
mc donald's
JUNK-just junk. I can't do that anymore. I know that the cholesterol meds won't work like that. I also was out of some of my meds-I need to stop using that as an excuse.

Ok, so tomorrow-or whenever my tummy feels straightened out, I start back. Until then, try to eat as healthy as I can!

To keep myself accountable

2008-02-29T12:54:00.006-05:00

To keep myself accountable, I have decided to post my plan here:
My Plan

Start Weight: 199.8
Short Term Goal: LOSE 5 LBS BY APRIL 30th
Long Term Goal: Make it Lifetime- 115-120 lbs

PLAN: FLEX
POINTS: 26 + 35 weekly points extra

EXERCISE: I will workout 3-5 times a week
(Minimum exercise goal: 80 minutes of exercise each week-that’s about 30 min 3 times a week-Earn 1 AP 3-5 times a week)
WATP – Start out at 1 mile 3 times a week
-On off days make sure to do stretches for at least 20 min.

STRATEGY:
I am going to plan my meals and track my points. I will make healthy choices. I have to lose weight for my health. I have to do it for me and no one else.
Keep it to myself and treat myself like a queen because, I deserve it. I will workout 3-5 times a week
(Minimum exercise goal: 80 minutes of exercise each week-that’s about 30min 3 times a week) I am going to use my tracker as a wt loss journal and keep up with everything. I will work the 8 Healthy Guidelines and watch my refined carbs because I KNOW I can do it.
I will get all my recipes together and make a file for the ones I like. I will cook for myself and make healthy dishes for my family.
I will also get a reasonable amount of sleep and take time for myself everyday.

2/29/08

2008-02-29T12:28:00.003-05:00

Well, I have updated my blog and I am glad. It looks alot better! This is my new tool for weight loss. I am going to blog here as often as I can. I am going to be totally honest with myself about my weight and what goes in my mouth!

I got part of this from another blog. It totally sums up how I feel!

My motivation is to not be a fat girl anymore, to be able to walk into ANY store and fit in pants or shirts, to not bemoan the fact that the closest Lane Bryant is at the mall b,ut rather have options at the mall at any store, and finally to not have chub rub (oh, a girl can only dream of this!!!).

2/28/08

2008-02-28T18:09:00.001-05:00

Well, I had a stomach bug and it is still lingering. My IBS has reacted real well to it (sarcastically, she says). I am sick all of the time to my stomach. I think I am going to hurl any minute now.

BUT, I have to get back on track. This is for my health. Maybe, I will focus on getting better this weekend and start fresh on Monday. We register for school next week and I want to volunteer in August.

My goal is to lose 15-20 pounds by then! I KNOW I can do this. I just have to put my mind to it and stick with it!

2/27/08

2008-02-27T10:10:00.001-05:00

Well, I fell off the wagon and I think it ran off without me! I have officially been off plan for 4 days now. That's terrible. However, I am recommitting TODAY.

I WILL lose those 5 pounds by March 14th. I really want to meet my goal. I am going to do it and I am not giving up!

This week

2008-02-11T15:48:00.000-05:00

I was up only 0.8 this week. Not bad for TOM. I am glad I am doing WW. My sleep study came back and it said I was recommended for Lapband surgery. There is NO WAY that I am having surgery done! It was so hard to read. It said my BMI was @ 40 and I was "Morbidly Obese". That makes me want to try that much harder!

January 14, 2008

2008-02-09T11:49:00.000-05:00

That was the day I started WW. OFFICIALLY! I have been to my meetings and have lost consitently. Not big losses, but, it's a loss.

I wanted to write this down to get my thoughts together.
I had an off day yesterday and now it is time to get my head back in the game.
Drink my water, count my points. PLAN!! That's what I had not been doing. I will worry about the activity points next week. I know I can do this! I have in the past and I will succeed!! I am determined to make lifetime this time and not give up!!

2008

2008-01-09T22:22:00.000-05:00

I haven't been blogging much since I got my journal. however, I have decided to outline my plan here. Maybe if i write in TWO places, it will actually sink in that I need to get moving.

Ok--

I want to get my house in order. Right now it is a royal mess. There are toys allover the floor, dishes in the sink, the kitchen floor needs to be swept and mopped.
There are clothes piled up in the living room and i am so tired, I can barely sit here. I am going to get started NOW and do a great job and GET SOME SLEEP (I HOPE)!!

YAY FOR ME!!!

2008-01-05T21:09:00.000-05:00

Today, we went to the Opry Mills Mall in Nashville. I walked from one end of the mall to the other and back. I walked an hour--not just walked, I POWERWALKED!!! It was so great. I feel so good! I also ate pretty good too! Maybe when I weigh in (in 2wks--next wk is TOM) I will have lost something!

YAY ME!!

2008-01-04T21:12:00.001-05:00

Tonight I walked the Leslie Sansone 1 mile again!!

Leslie Sansone

2008-01-04T17:35:00.000-05:00

I am really getting into this walking everynight after dinner. I look forward to it everynight now. Last night, I ordered Leslie Sansone "Walk Slim" 5 DVD System with Firming Band.

I am so excited to get it even though it is on backorder and will probably take awhile. Anyway, I am glad that I am walking. It makes me feel good. I know I am doing something good for myself too!

YAY ME!!

2008-01-03T19:28:00.001-05:00

Tonight I did Leslie Sansone's 1 mile walk!!

The house

2008-01-03T18:43:00.000-05:00

Well, I am still working on getting the basics cleaned. Today I at least got to the dishes. Tonight, I have 4 things to do:

-Pick up Ben's toys
-Sweep the kitchen
-Fold the towels
-load/unload the dishwasher

My books came!!

2008-01-03T18:41:00.000-05:00

Yay!! My books came today! All the ones that I had ordered from B&N w my gift card are here!! All 6 of them came at once!!

Now, I have some reading to do.....

MY DIRTY DIVAS ROUND1

2008-01-03T11:34:00.000-05:00

Start time: 11:45
End time:12:30

-Load dishwasher--X
-Clean Sink--X
-Make Lunch--X
-Pick up papers--X

Last night

2008-01-03T11:33:00.000-05:00

Well, I ended up eating a TON of junk last night. I don't know what was wrong with me, I just couldn't stop eating. I think it has soemthing to do with my house. It is so messy, I think it's making me all anxious all of the time. Well, that is going to change starting today!!

YAY ME!!!

2008-01-02T19:51:00.000-05:00

Tonight I walked for 20 minutes!!! I also ate healthy all day long! Now, if I can just make it through the rest of the night!!

YAY ME!!!

2007-12-27T21:04:00.001-05:00

Tonight I walked for 20 minutes!!!

National Body Challenge

2007-12-27T13:11:00.001-05:00

I just joined the 8 wk National Body Challenge. Now, I am registereing and finding out things I need to do. I am going to go through all my diabetes info tonight and my cookbooks to see what I can make. I am going to the grocery store tomorrow after I make a list. I am going to start journaling like crazy too! I am really excited and I finally feel like I am really ready to do this for me!!

Books, books, books!!

2007-12-27T03:32:00.000-05:00

Books are so awesome! I had a great Christmas and got 3 B&N gift cards. One of which I have ALREADY spent at the after Christmas sale!!
Here's what I got:
Spellman Files
The Baby Trail: A Novel
Good Grief
Goodnight Nobody
Big Stone Gap
Three Plums in One: One for the Money, Two for the Dough, Three to Get Deadly

I can't wait!!!! I also got a journal from J and can't wait to write in it!!!!

2008..

2007-12-21T22:12:00.000-05:00

I feel like God is really trying to help me. I feel like He is leading me in the direction that I really want my life to go. I can feel that 2008 is going to be a great year for my family. I just have this feeling and I am not really anxious about another year starting. Usually, I dwell on what i HAVE NOT accomplished but, now, for some reason, I feel so at peace. I feel like God is proving me with tools and knowledge and I feel like 2008 is going to be my year!!

To Do Lists....

2007-12-13T23:19:00.000-05:00

I am going to start journaling again and spending time for me. I am going to start going to bed early and getting up early to have my time for myself. I think it will make me happier and healthier and not feel so .... desperate?? I don't know if that's the right word or not but, I am going to start taking care of myself and realizing that I am someone too. Not just mommy or the wife. I have decieded to do things to make me happy. I really loved walking this week with ben. He had fun on the playground and I had a great time walking the track. I don't want to lose that. I felt like I was doing something for myself and I was. Now, i am going to keep it up!!

My meds...

2007-12-13T14:20:00.000-05:00

Diovan HCT
Tiazac
Synthroid
Potassium
Zoloft
Pravachol

That's alot for someone my age. I am really trying hard.

Dec 6, 2007 lab tests
TOTAL CHOLESTEROL: 203
THYROID RANGE: normal

National Body challenge

2007-12-11T13:31:00.001-05:00

DIABETES, PROJECT 2, TOTAL HEALTH

2007-12-04T00:14:00.001-05:00

Well, today. I went to a new dr. She is certified with diabetes managment and she is so nice! She is very easy to talk to and she seems to really care. I am going to have to on Cholesterol meds....eventually. There is just no way around it. Oh well, I am starting a life change TODAY!! It's Tuesday and I am going to start checking my blood sugars and managing everything. I am really excited about this. I am ready to get my body into shape and REALLY take care of myself. I have to....for Ben and Jeremy (and anyone else that may come along!!)

I have an appt w/ the OB next month. I know I can do this. I have to! I am going to count and exercise and check my blood sugars!!

I'm tired of it

2007-11-17T15:49:00.000-05:00

I am tired of trying to fiugre what eating plan to do. I am tired of thinking about my weight and how miserable I am. I am tired of my house being dirty and messy and cramped. I am tired of it all.

I am just going to do it. As soon as J gets up I'm hopping in the shower and then I am going to get started on my house.

I need a new start

2007-11-13T17:25:00.000-05:00

I weigh 195 pounds. That's about 3 pounds in one week. I know it's TOM coming but, I can't keep gaining this weight. I have to get myself TOTALLY COMMITTED TO THIS. Why can't I??

Dr's appt today

2007-11-06T14:23:00.000-05:00

My BP was 136/95
Dr G says I need to lose weight but, not at a number, at a comfortable weight where I will feel better.
He said to start out exercising and keep doing it daily.
I am checking into the Y today.

THE CORE LIST (to remind myself)

2007-11-05T15:13:00.000-05:00

The Core Foods are nutritious and include all food groups. Use the summary below to help guide your food choices. For more detail on foods, see the Plan Manager Core Food List. You can also use Find & Explore or our site search to find browse or search for more Core Foods.

Vegetables:
Fresh, frozen or canned (without added sauce, fat or sugar)

Details
Vegetables cannot contain ingredients that are not Core Foods (e.g., regular refried beans, pork & beans, corn in butter sauce, dried tomatoes packed in oil, French fries and sweet pickles are not Core Foods.
Vegetable juices are not Core Foods.

Fruits:
Fresh, frozen or canned fruits (without added sugar)

Details
Canned fruit must be packed in water or juice (not syrup).
Dried fruits are not Core Foods.
Fruit juices are not Core Foods.

Soups:

Fresh, dried, canned, frozen or homemade soups made only with Core Foods
Bean soup (e.g., lentil soup, split pea soup)
Bouillon
Broth-based soup
Tomato soup

Details
Cream soups are not Core Foods.

Fat-Free Dairy Products and Dairy Substitutes:

Fat-free milk, cheese, cottage cheese, plain yogurt -- all count towards your daily milk servings
Reduced-calorie dairy shakes and Weight Watchers Smoothies (both count towards milk servings, both are limited to once a day)
Fat-free, sugar-free pudding (counts towards milk servings)
fat-free, sugar-free instant hot cocoa (limited to once a day)
Fat-free sour cream
Soy milk (calcium-fortified and unflavored), cheese and plain yogurt

Starches, Grains and Cereals:

Whole-wheat pasta, brown rice, potatoes, and grains
Cornmeal
Rolled oats
Any whole-grain cereals that do not contain added sugar, nuts or dried fruit
Cooked (hot) cereal

Details
Whole-wheat pasta, brown rice or potatoes are limited to one meal a day
Cold cereals are limited to one meal a day and must be eaten with fat-free milk or fat-free plain yogurt.
Hot cereal must be a plain variety that does not contain added sugar, nuts or dried fruit.
Bread is not a Core Food.

Lean Meats:

Beef, lamb, pork, veal and game meats

At the meat case look for cuts from the "loin," "round," and "leg"
Choose visibly lean cuts and trim any excess fat
Ground beef with no more than 7% fat is limited to one meal a day. Processed meats such as deli products and hot dogs are not Core Foods.
Poultry - Chicken and turkey

Trim any visible fat before preparing and remove skin before eating
Ground turkey or ground chicken is limited to one meal a day

Fish and Shellfish:
Fresh, frozen, or canned, any variety

Details
Canned varieties must be packed in water, broth or tomato juice (not packed in oil).

Meat Substitutes:

Dried beans and lentils
Tofu, any type
Quorn
Vegetarian burgers, frozen

Egg and Egg Substitutes:

Whole eggs, egg whites and egg substitutes

Oils:

Fat-free salad dressings
Fat-free margarine
Fat-free mayonnaise
Nonstick cooking or baking spray
Extracts, flavorings, and herbs

Details
Include 2 teaspoons of olive, canola, safflower, sunflower, or flaxseed oil each day. Use your weekly POINTS Allowance for any additional oil used.
Beverages:

Coffee (without sugar)
Tea (without sugar)
Diet soft drinks
Club soda
Seltzer (plain or flavored, unsweetened)
Water

Details
Beverages containing alcohol are not Core Foods
Condiments:

Baking powder
Baking soda
Capers
Cocktail sauce
Hot sauce (pepper sauce)
Ketchup
Lemon juice
Lime juice
Mustard
Salsa (fat-free)
Soy sauce (shoyu)
Spices
Steak sauce
Sugar substitutes
Taco sauce
Teriyaki sauce
Vinegar
Worcestershire sauce

Extras:

Gelatin (unflavored and sugar-free flavored)
Weight Watchers Fruities (available for sale at Weight Watchers meetings in participating areas).

At Snack Time Choose:Fat-free milk
Fruits and veggies
Popcorn (94% fat-free)
Vegetable soup
Weight Watchers Fruities
1 Weight Watchers Smoothie
You can also use your weekly POINTS Allowance for between-meal snacks.

Cake

2007-11-05T14:59:00.000-05:00

The cake got to me. I HAD TO HAVE IT!! At least that's what my mind kept telling me so, I ate some, ok I ate alot--before putting it in the freezer. I am so mad at myself!! There is NO MORE--I will start over tomorrow. Tomorrow has come and gone my friend. NOW is the time to take care of myself!

As my friend Sandra always told me, "We are not promised tomorrow."

What if I'm not here for Ben and Jeremy and my mom?

I can't keep putting this off--taking car eof myself. I need to find a fat picture!

Monday November 5, 2007

2007-11-05T10:10:00.000-05:00

Well I had a gain of 2 pounds. I am not really surprised, nor am I stressing about it. I have been out of some of my meds for the past couple of weeks and I know I have water gain. I also have not been on plan either. I am recommitting today. I planned out today's menu and have fridge full of healthy Core snacks to get me through it!!

One day at a time!!

Focus

2007-10-31T09:51:00.000-04:00

Maybe I am trying to do too much. I mean maybe I am putting too much pressure on myself to do things. I need to just relax and not stress out.

I think I really am going to try and do something each day for myself. I am going to limit computer time and have time for cleaning and taking care of myself. I know I haven't been doing that. I didn't even shower yesterday! EWWWW

My house is messy again. I am going to start by cleaning up and THEN I will focus on WW really hard.

I am also going to get some sleep because I haven't been going really early like I want. I am going to focus on me starting TODAY!

My first day on core!!!

2007-10-25T20:56:00.000-04:00

This was not bad AT ALL. The only problem I had was I got hungry around 4:00 and didn't have any CORE snacks on hand so, I had to use point foods. but still, I made great choices!!

I also did 20 min of exercise
15 min of Tae Bo
5 min stretching

I can't wait for that scale to go down and those pants to fall off again!!!

I JOINED!!

2007-10-25T01:48:00.000-04:00

Ok. I have ot blog this real quick. I joined online tonight!! For MYSELF!! I decided to switch to core and I think I am really going to like it! I have been reading all the materials tonight. It is now 1:49am and I have stuff to do and I need to go to bed ASAP.

To do tonight:
-Pick up toys
-unload.load dishwasher
-fold towels

I have to go get this done now!!

Points/10/24/07/Wednesday

2007-10-24T12:33:00.000-04:00

Range: 22-29

Breakfast:
-1 1/2 c Cheerios--4 points
-milk- 1 point
-1/2 bananna- 1 point

Snack/Lunch:
-1 sl bread- 2 points
-2 slices Deli Chicken-1 point
-1 tsp mayo-0 points
-1/2 bananna- 1 point
-Crystal Light- 0 points

TOTAL USED:11 points
POINTS LEFT: 18 points

Lunch:
-Crockpot chicken tacos-3 points
-1 hard shell-2 points
-1 ww tortilla-2 points
-Crystal Light- 0 points

TOTAL USED: 17 points

Dessert:
-1 ww tortilla- 2 points
-1 tsp butter- 0 points
-cinnamon/splenda-0 points
-drizzle of chocolate-0 points
-cool whip- 0 points

POINTS LEFT: 10 points

Dinner:
-lettuce- 0 point
-chicken- 4 points
-black beans- 0 points
-taco sauce/salsa- 0 points
-cheese- 1 point
-Taco Shell- 1 point
-Fiber One Bar- 2 points
-Biscotti- 2 points

TOTAL USED: 29 points
POINTS LEFT: 0

Evening Snack:
-1 baked apple-1 point
-Cool Whip Free- 0 points
-water

TOTAL USED: 30

I went over by one point but, at least it was fruit and not junk! Well, I just ate 2 smores. They were really good and low in points but, I am not satisfied. maybe i just need to get over all this and be fat forever. I need to get myself in gear. I don't want to die young. I don't want to leave Ben and j and momma. i have to do something. i have to get control of my life somehow.

This flex points thing

2007-10-23T23:31:00.000-04:00

Ok. I can't handle this flex points thing. I keep thinking I can eat whatever i want. I'm going back to 123 success.

DAILY POINTS RANGE: 22-29points

Tomorrow, I start this over!

POINTS--October 23, 2007/Tuesday

2007-10-23T11:42:00.000-04:00

POINTS: 24
35 flex points

Breakfast:
-1 sl toast--2 points
-1 tsp butter- 2 points
-crystal lite- 0 points
TOTAL: 4 points

Lunch:
-1 sl bread-2 points
-1 tsp mayo- 1 point
-6 sl ham (1 serving)- 1 point
-1 cup Progresso Veggie soup- 0 points
-1 SF/FF Pudding- 1 point
-crystal lite- 0 points
TOTAL: 5 points

POINTS LEFT:24-9= 15 left

Snack:
-Yoplait Chocolate Mouse Whipped Yogurt- 4 points

POINTS LEFT: 15-4= 11 left

Dinner:
-chicken breast-1 tender- 2 points
-1 TBSP Mayo dressing- 1 point
-sweet potato fries- 3 points
-broc and cheese- 1 point
TOTAL: 7 points

POINTS LEFT: 4 points

-1 Biscotti- 2 points
POINTS LEFT: 2 points

--2 Biscotti-4 points
-1/2 wrap-0 points
-1 oz chicken-1 point
-1 tsp mayo-1 point
-1 Little Debbie- 5 points
-1 graham cracker w PB- 2 points
TOTAL: 13 points

LATE SNACK:
-1 c decaf coffee- 0 points
-1 TBSP SF Coffee Mate- 1 point
-1 Biscotti- 2 points

35-16= 19 left for the week
(Well, it wasn't as bad as i thought!!)

**************
I can't stop eating tonight! I think I'm just feeling overwhelmed w housework and tired. I need to get moving.

What Losing 10% Can Do

2007-10-22T19:47:00.001-04:00

What Losing 10% Can Do
Article By: Sandra Gordon

Striving for your college-days weight or some other magic number on the scale can be daunting. It's much easier to reach for an incremental goal that promises sizable health benefits: Losing just 10 percent of your current body weight.

"So many projects in life are better managed by breaking them down into small chunks," says Karen Miller-Kovach, MS, RD, chief scientist at Weight Watchers International. "Weight loss is no different."

But the body you've always wanted isn't all you'll get out of accomplishing that one starter goal. Here's what else you'll gain by losing 10 percent:

A Healthier Heart
By losing just 10 percent of your body weight, you can lower your cholesterol and reduce your blood pressure, says G. Ken Goodrick, PhD, psychologist and associate professor of medicine at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, Texas. High cholesterol and elevated blood pressure are two major risk factors for heart disease.

Lower Risk of Type 2 Diabetes
If you're overweight, you're at increased risk for type 2 diabetes, which means your body can't make enough, or properly use, insulin, a hormone that helps convert food to usable energy. By losing just 10 percent of your body weight, you'll improve your body's ability to use the insulin it makes, possibly preventing the onset of the disease, Miller-Kovach says. If you already have type 2 diabetes, shedding that 10 percent may improve your symptoms and possibly prevent complications, she adds.

More Pep
"Just a 10 percent weight loss increases feelings of vigor and vitality," says Miller-Kovach. "You'll feel better and have more energy."

A Mental Edge
Losing 10 percent can give you the self-confidence and motivation you need to keep going. "Success builds on success," says Miller-Kovach. But be sure you recognize it. "Losing 10 percent is a milestone in the journey," says Miller-Kovach. "Once you get there, take the time to congratulate yourself on your efforts."

Reality Check
After losing 10 percent, you gain a sense of what it will take to lose the rest and reach your final goal weight. "It gives you a context in terms of saying, 'Am I willing to put in that much more effort to lose even more weight?'" Miller-Kovach says. If the answer is no, that's okay. "Some people only lose 10 percent and that's it," says Goodrick. If that's you, pat yourself on the back. "Health-wise, a 10-percent weight loss is a great achievement," Goodrick says.

RECOMMITTED

2007-10-22T19:44:00.000-04:00

I have just made my announcement on WW board that I have recommitted tonight! I know that I have already blown it today but, that doesn't mean that I cannot plan for tomorrow!

My goal:
-Lose my 10% by 12/31/07--that's down to 171

I will work on my plan tonight and post it here.

I want to do it

2007-10-22T18:47:00.000-04:00

I want to officially join WW. I know I can do it. My goal for right now, lose 15 pounds before January 2008. My ultimate goal is to lose 40 pounds by November 1, 2008 (Ben's 3rd b-day). I know I can do this. I just feel like I need some REAL support. J is not really all that suppportive. I can make better choices...I've got to, for me, for Ben...for my health.

I think tonight I will do a round of DIVA's and then figure out what/how to do this without, having to worry about ppl judging me...watching me. Without having to look at MIL and think... OMG I'm going to end up like that. I don't want to think that and I know it's mean but, I can't help it. But, she doesn't care...about herself at all and that makes me kinda feel sorry for her. That makes me feel like I cannot get back in that hole again that I was in. I have way too much at stake now.

So, this is my official confirmation--I am going to FOCUS on the good things, on ME for a change, and for the glory that God will bring, if I will trust in Him for all things in my life.

I know that He provides and wants us to be successful. I know that He is always there and He can provide a way for this to happen for me. I know that I just need a plan and determination and LOTS of hard work.

I have come to accept the fact that I will have to work harder for this than anything I have ever done and i am ready to do just that. I am ready, ready, ready!!

UPDATE:
Well, I can't officially join. I have to do this on my own adn I will.